apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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