There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
