One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Someone signed my nipple.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
