Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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