Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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