got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
