I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
