I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
