If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
