I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
