i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
