i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
