Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Randomize
