I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Pappa wants mamma naked
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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