One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
