omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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