after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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