I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
