Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
