All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
