so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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