We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize