whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What a dumb baby whore.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
