Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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