My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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