I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
