Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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