I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
