Apparently you make a good broom.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize