Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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