Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
