ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
