I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
