sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
