And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
