Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
