So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
