he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
