I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
