Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
