how can u be prego again
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
