I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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