Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hippo gnu deer
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize