They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
