you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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