oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
