Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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