We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
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