My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
