You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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