I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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