My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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