There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
