My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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