It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
is that a dick in a sweater?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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