Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Randomize
