Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
