I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
