Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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