Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
