I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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