Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
