I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
this will be a night to untag.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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