i can't believe i had my finger in that
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
