bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
