my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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