I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He shit in the fireplace
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
