Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
