I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
