Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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