um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
