I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize