I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
