My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
