Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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