He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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