That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
