on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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