i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
