Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
