I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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