just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
